In my previous post, I made two principal points. First, you can’t change someone’s mind about a deeply held belief; only they can change their own mind. Second, the default approach most of us use to make that happen is argument based on facts and logic, but that is not only ineffective, but often backfires, which is why you can’t push a porcupine.
But don’t despair; even the most recalcitrant rodent can be motivated to move themselves, if you follow the right approach. While there is no foolproof way to get someone to change their mind, there are some well-tested techniques that can be surprisingly effective, and detailed in a book that I highly recommend: How Minds Change, by David McRaney.
I’ll briefly describe three methods outlined in the book, and then unpack some common elements they have that you may find useful in your persuasion efforts.
Deep Canvassing
Developed and refined over ten years and 15,000 conversations by a California group called Leadership LAB, deep canvassing is a conversational method that has produced surprising results in getting people to soften or even change their stance on a hot-button issues such as same-sex marriage, in as little as ten minutes.[1]
The conversation as applied to same-sex marriage would begin by asking for the person’s stance on the issue, and how strongly they feel about that stance. Next, you would tell a story, whether your own or someone else’s, of a gay person’s experiences with discrimination. At this point, ask them if they have modified their stance. Then, ask them if they or someone they know has experienced a similar story. After they’ve told their story, ask them again if their position has moved. All this time, you listen respectfully and non-judgmentally, and never try to argue. A surprising amount of times, the other person will themselves offer that they have softened their stance, or even changed their minds entirely.
Smart Politics
A method developed by psychiatrist and social scientist Karin Tamerius which adapts ideas from therapists who work with alcoholics and addicts. Her model uses a change conversation pyramid, in which you work your way up to change at the top. Most people who want someone to change go straight for the top, but Tamerius says we have to attend to all the other needs which must be met before change is possible. For people to even contemplate change, they must be in a learning frame of mind, and that won’t happen unless they feel safe. In ascending order, these needs are comfort, compassion, comprehension, compassion and finally change.
Street Epistemology
Epistemology is the study of how we know things, and philosophers can write hundreds of pages about it in ways that leave you knowing less than when you started.
In simpler terms, McRaney says, “In the end, epistemology is about translating evidence into confidence.” One of the most important steps in mind change is introducing uncertainty or ambiguity about one’s own position. Street epistemology is a technique that uses questions to get people to walk through their own thinking and perhaps discover gaps or errors that moderate their initial confidence as a result.
What are the elements that help minds to change?
You can find the complete set of steps for each of these methods outlined in the book if you are curious, (or check out some excellent examples on YouTube) but if you’re not planning on going door to door to change the minds of voters there are a few key insights you can apply to any of your persuasion efforts.
- First of all, avoid anything that will raise their defenses. Put the other person at ease by assuring them that you are not trying to sell them or change their mind. Ask permission to ask questions, so that you can better understand their point of view. The best way to prevent raising defenses is to avoid saying anything that will raise them, so don’t argue, contradict or give advice. In fact, it’s best to avoid talking about yourself or your opinion at all, except for possibly at the later stages of the conversation, and even then it can be risky.
- Develop rapport. Rapport lowers resistance, builds trust, and facilitates information exchange in both directions. Rapport is crucial in defusing the us versus them mentality. You can establish rapport simply by being friendly and genuinely curious to hear what they think. Smile, use their name, use open gestures. Repeat back in your own words what they tell you to clarify and verify that you heard it right.
- As you get into the substantive conversation, find out how strongly they hold their belief or opinion. For example, you could ask them to give you a score from one to ten to describe their level of certainty. If they say ten, ask them why someone else might have a lower number. If they give you a number less than ten, ask them why it’s not higher. This gets them to actively think of reasons against their position.
- Use questions to guide or nudge them into thinking about their own thinking behind their belief. This is called technique rebuttal, as opposed to topic rebuttal. Don’t question their conclusions; instead explore the methodology they used to reach those conclusions.
- Never be closing. In other words, listen respectfully and patiently, and then end the conversation without explicitly trying to change their minds. You can ask if their thinking has changed in any way, but avoid raising those defenses.
How Minds Change is deep, comprehensive and well-researched, with far more in it than I have covered in this brief recommendation. Whether you carefully study and practice any of the methods, or simply pick and choose ideas from each, you will be much better equipped to influence—if not change—the minds of others.
[1] McRaney claims 20 minutes, but this article about deep canvassing claims it can work in as little as 10.
