The First Rule of Effective Communication

This is my 500^th blog post, and I could think of no more fitting topic for such a milestone than this: the first rule of effective communication.

The first rule of effective communication is this: you must add value. I’ll describe what that means and share a checklist for measuring the amount of value you have added in any communication, whether it be a sales conversation, a presentation, or simply answering a question from your boss.

What does it mean to add value in communication? Remember that in lean thinking value is defined as anything the customer is willing to pay for. By analogy, value in communication is anything the recipient is willing to listen to, and use as a basis for a decision or action. What would make them be willing to listen and act? Because the information received is useful: it will improve their situation in some way.

Value is then defined as useful communication that respects the relationship. You know you have added value when one or more of the following things happen:

• Either or both sides are better equipped to make a decision or take action that improves their personal situation.
• The organization is better off or a higher purpose than individual gain is served.
• The relationship is preserved or enhanced.

In an ideal world, you would be able to meet those three conditions in every communication, but of course that’s not always reality. Which of the three you emphasize when there’s a conflict depends on you: on your judgment, your values, and your appraisal of the situation. But having said that, you can usually find ways to accomplish at least two of the three, and you should probably not open your mouth unless you can do so.

Here’s a checklist to ensure that your communication adds value to the other person. At the end of the exchange, here are some questions that will tell you whether you added value:

Did you answer the question? When someone else asks you a question, it’s usually easy for all concerned to tell whether you provided an answer. But the same test applies when you are the one initiating the conversation. There is always the question that requires an answer, although it’s not so obvious. That question is: “What do you want me to do and why?” If someone takes your call or attends your presentation, this question is always on their mind, or should be. You can hear people talk for hours and not be sure whether the question was answered.

Did you improve their situation or outcome? The second part of the question is “why?” The bottom line of communication is that the information received is useful: it enables the recipient to solve a problem, take advantage of an opportunity, or deal with a risk. To pass this test, you must tell the other person what he needs to know, not what he wants to know. Focus on WIFM: “What’s in it for me?” Did you provide a personal benefit to the listener? While this is not always possible, ultimately all decisions are personal, so you should strive to frame communications in terms of the other person’s benefit. The only exception is when they need to do it to benefit a higher purpose, such as what’s good for the business. If your ask does not benefit the other person or a higher purpose, your only alternatives are begging or coercion, depending on who holds the power.

Did you maintain or improve the relationship? This is not always possible—sometimes what the other person needs to hear is not what they want to hear. But you should always be respectful and sensitive to the relationship if possible.

Who did the work? Remember that you’re a knowledge worker, not an information worker. Many communications are a “data dump” in which the speaker tells everything they know, and the listener has to draw conclusions from all the detail. If you present all the information in your head without analysis or recommendation, you are asking the other person to do your work for you. Give them your best finished thought.

Did you listen and adjust? One problem with giving them the best of your finished thought is that you may fall in love with your own idea, and you may miss opportunities to create even more value. During the conversation (and I use this term very broadly, to include any type of ongoing discussion or communication), you can jointly create even more value through dialogue. Dialogue enables correction, adjustment and improvement to the original idea, and can often spark new and better ideas—not to mention greater engagement and commitment. Of course, this will only work if you are willing to be influenced yourself, and if you actively listen and pay attention to how your ideas are being heard, understood, and processed by the other person.

These five questions may seem like a lot to remember, but they can become automatic through awareness and practice. The bottom line, and the first rule of effective communication is this: Before you open your mouth, stick in a slide, or hit send, ask yourself: “What value am I adding?”