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This may be my most controversial topic so far. It’s important to “be yourself”; for example, too many people become too formal or awkward when they stand at a podium, or “kiss up and kick down.”
But it’s also possible to overdo the authenticity idea. If authenticity is about being honest and true to yourself, I’m all for it, but if should not mean communicating the same way to all people and in all situations, being “brutally honest”, or being fully transparent.
Why not? Keep these asterisks in mind:
· It’s impossible to know who the “real you” is
· It’s immature
· It violates outside-in thinking principle
· It’s ineffective
So, what should you do about it?
· Practice thoughtful authenticity
· Be natural without showing all your imperfections
· Adapt your style to the other person: drivers, expressives, amiables and analytics
· Fake it ‘til you make it
· Be respectful at all times without being servile
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The poster child for preparation is Gunther Schabowski, whose lack of preparation to speak to the world press led directly to the opening of the Berlin Wall. If you want to avoid Gunter’s fate, you must prepare, prepare, and prepare.
Everyone agrees that preparation is helpful, but few do it to the extent that the situation demands. That’s why I spend a lot of time in this podcast describing the benefits of preparation:
- Just as meticulous preparation allows special operations teams to defeat much larger forces, preparation levels the playing field for you
- Preparation is the hallmark of professionalism. It allows you to do your best work in service of clients, and shows respect
- Preparation saves time overall
- Preparation aids in outside-in thinking
- Preparation frees you to be yourself
- Preparation avoids drams by helping you win before you show up
How to prepare:
- Do your research
- Have a clear purpose
- Pressure-test your ideas
- Start early
“When the pressure is on, you will not rise to the occasion. You will fall to your level of preparation.”
Links and resources:
Persuasion without Drama: Process, Positioning and Preparation
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If you want to learn how to manipulate others into doing things that aren’t in their best interests, or sell a faulty argument, you’ve come to the wrong place.
You may have heard the saying: “Sell the sizzle, not the steak.” It’s not a bad approach, but you’d better make sure the steak is good quality. Any persuasive attempt is like a chef putting together a meal: Flavoring and presentation are important, but your ingredients must be healthy (true), fresh (new information or insight), and nutritious (useful).
I am definitely not against using emotion to help you sell your ideas, but remember that often decisions are made some time after your meeting; while the emotion may wear off, the logic and hard facts remain true. Especially persuasive is deep content, which withstands drill-down questioning.
Five ways to ensure your content remains king:
- Be absolutely sure of your facts, even the “minor” ones
- Really learn the material, so you display effortless command of the facts
- “Get your hands dirty” by going to the scene to see for yourself
- Don’t get out in front of your facts
- Separate opinion from fact
Links and resources:
Content Is Still King- Long Live the King
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There are four key principles of Practical Eloquence which I will be stressing repeatedly in episodes to come. They are:
- Outside-in thinking
- Content is king
- Preparation, preparation, preparation
- Be yourself—with an asterisk
In this episode I share the story of how I learned by accident about the most important principle of all persuasive communication: it’s not about you, it’s about the other person. Continuing our cooking analogy from Episode 1, the chef prepares what the diner wants, not what he or she likes to make.
Three key points, borrowing from what others have said:
- Seek first to understand; then be understood (Covey)
- “Don’t think less of yourself; think about yourself less.” (Green)
- Platinum Rule (Alessandra)
This means you have to trigger and strengthen your natural ability to take another’s perspective, to put yourself into their minds so that you can get them to do things for their own reasons. Before every important communication, ask yourself:
- What do they care about?
- How are they measured?
- How do they like to receive information?
- How can you find out?
Links and resources:
Four Pillars of Persuasion Power
Clueless: How I Stumbled onto the Secret of Selling
Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, by Daniel Goleman
