Just had his brutally honest review
In reading a recent article about coaching, I came across a phrase I’ve always hated. People who use it seem to think that it makes them look tough-minded, such as this quote by Bill Parcells: “You have to be honest with people — brutally honest.”
I could not disagree more.
Parcells says that if you want people to change, you have to be absolutely clear about their performance, and I agree with that. But there’s a huge difference between clarity and brutal honesty. Clarity is about identifying and effectively communicating the gap between actual and desired performance. Brutality is about being savage, cruel, or inhuman, according to my dictionary. Is this what you want to be when giving feedback to others?
If you are brutally honest, what does that make you?
When the feedback you give people is personal, that’s brutally honest, as in this story I was told about a sales VP who fired an underperforming rep by telling him: “When I hired you, I thought you were a tiger, but you’ve turned out to be nothing but a pile of cat shit.” That’s brutal. Maybe the rep deserved to lose his job, but did he deserve to be humiliated as well?
When the feedback is more about making the people delivering it feel good about themselves, as bullies do, that’s brutally honest. We’ve all met people who confuse bluntness with brutality; somehow they never seem to welcome honesty when it’s applied to them. As Canadian humorist Richard Needham said: “The person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more.”
When the feedback is clumsy because the person delivering it never bothered to learn how to give feedback effectively, it can cross the line into brutality—at least as perceived by the receiver.
Maybe I’m overreacting. After all, it’s just a cliché. In fairness to Parcells, he may not have meant it exactly the way it came across. (But if he meant it differently, why wasn’t he clearer?) No one would seriously want to be brutal, would they? Maybe not, but when phrases like this desensitize us to the actual meaning of the words, do they make it easier for some to cross that line? And when your name and reputation carries a lot of weight, you have to be especially careful about how you word advice to others, because there are plenty of people who may just take you at your word.
Do these people think being brutally honest actually works? Look at it this way, if you cross the line into brutal honesty, and the person you’re trying to coach doesn’t quit on the spot or jack your jaw, maybe you’ve hired the kind of people you deserve.
Note: Today’s post is brought to you by Chip Bell.
I walked into the restaurant off the lobby of the Park Inn west of Harrisburg, PA. From the back of the restaurant I heard, “Good morning, how would you like your coffee?” When I said black, the voice warmly responded, “Take any table you like, and I’ll have your coffee there before you can sit down!”
My day was off to a captivating start, like a colorful merry-go-round!
“I’m Sandy. Do I get the awesome pleasure of serving you today?” she asked as she laid my menu beside the cup of coffee she had already poured. The breakfast was perfect and served quickly. Periodically Sandy checked to make sure all was well. There was no chitchat as I focused on my morning paper, just attentiveness and, lots of smiles aimed point blank at my table. I finished, folded up my newspaper, and requested my check. It had been a joy to be served by someone noticeably passionate about customers. And then, it happened!
Sandy brought my check along with a go cup of black coffee! “This is great!” I exclaimed. “You have no idea how much I needed a coffee to go today.” Sandy smiled, winked and responded, “It’s our gift to you!”
Folks, it does not get any better than that! I left her a tip almost as big as my breakfast tab and went straight to the manager on duty to compliment her over-the-top, high-spirited service. “I’m so delighted,” he said, “but, I will tell you we get comments about Sandy almost every day. In fact we have guests who tell us they drive way out of their way just get a shot of Sandy in the morning!”
What makes a great cookie or cupcake really special? Sprinkles. It is the same with customer service. We may come back for great service but we tell stories when something distinctive and special is added to the experience. And, as organizations run out of room on their capacity to add more value in a quest to exceed customer expectations, value-unique provides unlimited opportunities for customer enchantment.
My business partner and I were working with a client in Nicaragua. One evening we elected to skip the hotel grill and try the hotel’s upscale restaurant—Factory Steak and Lobster. We were in for a special treat. I ordered my usual Jack Daniels on the rocks. Now, in every restaurant in America such a request would yield a highball glass brought to the table already filled with ice plus the special adult beverage ready to drink. Because of that practice, I have gotten Jack poorly disguised as cheap bourbon as well as drink the bartender apparently measured with a thimble instead of a jigger.
But at the Real Metrocentro InterContinental in Managua, I was not served Jack Daniels, it was presented to me! The waiter brought a tray containing a full bottle of Jack, an empty chilled glass, a container of ice, and a tall shot glass. The glass was then filled with ice—one cube at a time–and placed before me. The bottle was presented much like a wine steward might present a chosen bottle of wine. Assuming approval, the Tennessee whiskey was poured into the shot glass which was then lovingly poured into the ice-filled highball glass! A simple shot of whiskey was treated like pricey Dom Perignon champagne.
What if service providers made the mundane magical? What if every service moment was treated as an extraordinary event for a cherished customer? The check-in hotel clerk would come from behind the desk to give you your room key along with a warm handshake, the taxi driver would take your luggage all the way into the hotel lobby, and the service tech would explain your auto repair kneeling eye level with you as you sat comfortably in the reception area. Customers are not interested in being treated as royalty served by a slave. But, they do notice when the service they receive clearly indicates they are treasured. Customer growth comes from special care. If you want something to grow, pour champagne on it!
Chip R. Bell is a renowned speaker and the author of several best-selling books. His newest book is Sprinkles: Creating Awesome Experiences Through Innovative Service. He can be reached at www.chipbell.com.
I’ve never been a particularly subversive individual (at least after about 6th grade) but occasionally I like to break stupid rules just because they’re stupid. That’s why I technically broke the law today by taking an Uber ride to the airport.
It was amazingly fast, easy and pleasant. The best part was the transparency: I could see clearly where my driver was and when he would arrive to pick me up, which is totally different from my usual experience calling a cab for the airport. They’re usually slow, but the worst part is that you can never tell when they will be there. One time, the cab was so late in getting me that if I had not rounded up a neighbor to take me to the airport I would have missed my flight.
This situation has persisted for long time because the taxi service in Broward County has been a quasi-monopoly sustained by a web of supportive rules promulgated by obliging politicians and bureaucrats. They’ve managed to make Uber an outlaw and the Sheriff’s department is trying to catch and fine any drivers they can catch.
The theory of free market capitalism is that progress is driven by innovation. New entrants find better and cheaper ways of serving a market, and incumbents either match the improvements or give way to a fitter competitor—except when they find it easier and more profitable to strangle the innovation in its cradle by resorting to red tape, regulation, and heavy-handed enforcement. When they force new entrants to play by the rules that they helped write expressly to protect their inefficiency, backed by their incestuous ties to local law enforcement, most innovators can’t compete.
Uber is a different animal. They have deep enough pockets to fight back, vowing to pay the fines of their drivers to give them a fighting chance to show the market how much better their service is. But of course that support will only last if customers show their support. I’m doing my small part by writing this article, but more importantly I am doing it by voting with my dollars.
I would like to say it’s the principle of the thing, but the real reason I’m willing to break a stupid rule is quite frankly commercial. When you can get speed, reliability, courtesy AND a lower price, I say long live the free market!
Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson recently completed an astonishing free-climb of the Dawn Wall, a nearly sheer 3,000 foot face of granite in Yosemite, one that is only slightly rougher than the granite countertop in my kitchen. It took them 19 days, and at one point Jorgeson tried and failed 10 times to make the crossing of Pitch 15. After the tenth try, he contemplated giving up but instead rested in his tent on the rock face for two days to let his fingers heal, and then made it on the eleventh attempt. Think about the magnitude of that—the incredible skill, sheer physical effort and the courage it took just to complete one section of 32.
At that point, was it motivation that got him through? I don’t think so. But who cares what I think? Here’s what Jorgeson said in a TV interview on the morning after: (it’s not an exact quote because I didn’t write it down) “What got me through was resolve. I would not accept failing.”
This wasn’t bravado after the fact—here’s what he said while still on the climb:
“After 11 attempts spread across 7 days, my battle with pitch 15 of the Dawn Wall is complete. Hard to put the feeling into words. There’s a lot of hard climbing above, but I’m more resolved than ever to free the remaining pitches.”
There’s that word again, resolve. How is it different from motivation?
- Motivation gets you to the base of the mountain; resolve gets you to the top.
- Motivation gets you through the first few weeks in January; resolve keeps your resolutions through December 31.
- Motivation keeps your spirits up; resolve doesn’t care how you’re feeling.
- Motivation is a glittering veneer that soon wears off under hard use; resolve is the iron core that remains.
- Motivation can be fragile; resolve is antifragile because it gets stronger under pressure and duress. Like the calluses on a climber’s fingers, it gets stronger with use and challenge.
When I say motivation is for amateurs, it’s not that motivation is bad. Motivation will get you started, and an occasional refresher will recharge your enthusiasm. But when you’re attempting something truly difficult and worthwhile, there will be times when you hit a spot where motivation will not be enough, where all the best intentions you have won’t keep you going. That’s when you need good old-fashioned resolve. That’s where the pros come in.
Resolve may be easier to summon up when you have no choice, such as what Rob Konrad, a former Dolphin player who fell off his boat and swam 16 hours to shore, had to do. But the paradox is that you can choose to have no choice, if that’s possible. Jorgesen said he would not accept failing, and that choice left only one avenue open to him, to keep going until he succeeded.
There are plenty of motivational speakers, but no “resolve” speakers. That’s because resolve is not something you can have or show just by listening to someone else. It only comes from that voice inside you that refuses to let you quit. Resolve is what Kipling was referring to when he wrote:
“If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them, Hold on!”
I hope you will never need resolve, because you only need it when times are tough—almost desperate. But let’s leave Jorgesen with the last word:
“I think everyone has their own secret Dawn Wall to complete one day, and maybe they can put this project in their own context.”
