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Practical Eloquence Blog

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Please Take Time to Thank Someone Today

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. Epictetus

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I want to honor the true spirit of the holiday by taking the time out to list some of the many things I am thankful for.

On a business and professional level:

Customers: It all begins here. I am thankful for the customers I’ve served this year, especially the people within these companies who make it a pleasure to work with them. Fonterra (Alex), Origio Mid-Atlantic Devices (Mike), Qualcomm (Bill, Ruth, Terie), Ricoh (Barry), Verizon Wireless (Dan).

Friends and network contacts, especially old friends I’ve reconnected with, and new friends who exchange ideas and encouragement. (Andy, Luke, Pernilla)

Teachers and mentors: There’s no way I could have figured out how to launch this blog without “Spensei”, Dave Brock, or Tony DiFranco.

People who read my blog, especially those comment thoughtfully (Brian). I hope to keep making it worth your time, and will always listen very carefully to what you have to say. If I’m not always smart enough to agree, that’s my fault, not yours.

People in my classes who are eager to learn. You make teaching and training fulfilling and more than just a job.

On a personal level:

My country. It’s fashionable to talk about how our country is in decline, but I’ve been around long enough to have heard it all before; it wasn’t true then and isn’t true now. I don’t write this to slight my international friends: in my travels I’ve met many people from other lands who are just as justifiably proud of their heritage.

Our armed forces, who sacrifice, sweat and bleed so that the rest of us can enjoy a day of plenty, surrounded by loved ones, in complete safety.

The freedom to speak my mind, to be wrong, to publish an opinion without having to worry about a midnight visit from the police.

My family: Lisa, Andrew and Mackenzie. I’m especially thankful for Mom’s example of courage and grace since Dad passed on.

Good health. It’s so easy to take for granted, until something happens to those close to you. Get well soon, Uncle Jack and Jonathan!

Life’s challenges and annoyances, because they give me a chance to become a better person.

My two rambunctious black dogs—they have a lot of faults but ingratitude is not one of them. They never forget to express gratitude through their tails.

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Persuasive communication - Sales

Ask Them to Tell You A Story

Two of the most important tools in any persuader’s toolbox are stories and questions. When you put them together, they make for a powerful combination.

Various persuasive questioning processes, including the Socratic method in teaching, Motivational Interviewing in clinical psychology or Huthwaite’s SPIN process in sales, are all designed to get listeners to reach their own conclusion that they must follow the course of action you’re selling. The general principle underlying all these approaches is that rather than trying to motivate people to act for your reasons it is far better to draw out their own motivations. They do this by uncovering gaps between their current situation and an ideal state, and eliciting enough pain and tension that they feel compelled to act to close that gap, ideally with your plan, product, or idea.

Where have we all seen this before?

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Presentations

If You Want Them to Pay Attention, You Have to Earn It

In today’s distracted world, one of the most precious commodities is your audience’s attention. When you have the floor, it can be very disconcerting to notice that most of the members of your audience seem to have their attention directed anywhere but at you. Many presenters try to counter this by asking people to turn off their phones or put their laptop screens down while they speak. Personally, I believe this is the wrong approach: it focuses on the needs of the presenter, and it’s a lazy shortcut. It works for a short time—until listeners start getting restless and distracted.

In my own training sessions I never ask people to turn off their devices, because I use them as feedback. My goal is to make what I am saying more important than what is on their screens, and I can instantly tell when I am losing someone’s attention.

In other words, I want to earn and keep their attention. Out of pure self-preservation, over twenty years of training I’ve learned and adapted many techniques which I’ve found to keep the audience’s attention.

Grab their attention

The first few seconds of any talk are prime cognitive real estate, so you have to grab their attention right from the start. The best way to take advantage of this is to do something slightly counter to expectations.

Avoid opening amenities. If you’re giving a presentation or speech, they already know who you are from the agenda or the introduction. Don’t spend time introducing yourself or thanking the audience for being there. These opening amenities are like the fine print on an ad; no one pays attention to them.

Make it relevant. Your presentation has huge opportunity costs when you add up the value of the audience’s time investment. Step 1 is to have something relevant to say, but Step 2 is just as important—tell them right up front what’s in it for them to listen. The best story I’ve heard about this is the tax accountant who told his audience of senior executives: “I realize there’s nothing particularly interesting about tax law, but I can promise you this—ten minutes of listening just might keep you out of jail.”

Surprise them. We are lulled by the familiar, but we instantly notice something that breaks the pattern. Tell them something new or different. (But keep it relevant.)

Keep their attention

Use examples from their own experience, not yours. This will require some work on your part, but it’s worth it. They will understand you better and appreciate the effort.

Be concise. Despite your best efforts, the simple fact remains that we are all squeezed for time these days, especially in an economy in which companies are trying to do more with fewer people. Don’t presume on your listeners’ time an more than you have to. Figure out what they need to know to make their decision, and leave out all the stuff that you think is cool to know.

Front-load your message. During the Civil War, journalists learned to get the gist of their story into the first paragraph, because the telegraph lines could be taken over at any time by military traffic. Your audience’s attention can also be hijacked at any time, so get to your point quickly.

Simplify. People tune out if they find your message too difficult to follow. You may be trying to cram in too much information, or your slides may be too busy. When you overwhelm their capacity to keep up, they stop running after you.

Provide structure. Think of what happens when you’re on hold on the phone or in a long line. When you don’t know how much longer it’s going to be, it can get boring very fast. Let them know where you are in the talk to keep them involved and motivated to follow you. (“Which brings me to my third point… There are three main reasons that…”)

Get them involved

Use their names. People are always attuned to their own names. It’s called the cocktail party effect. You can be talking to someone, ignoring all the conversations around you, and still hear if someone mentions your name from across the room. Plus, if they know they are going to be called on, they are more apt to stay alert.

Ask questions. Questions beggar an answer, so they are an excellent way to keep people fixed onto your topic. You can ask questions of the general group, or you can occasionally call on individuals, which will really maintain their alertness.

Make them think. I recently saw a presentation about internal cost allocation, of all things, that actually kept everyone engaged because the presenter structured it as a mystery and everyone was trying to be the first to figure out the answer.

Make it compelling

Tell stories. Stories have narrative movement; listeners are compelled to stay with them to see how they end. You see it all the time on the evening news: a piece about unemployment, for example, will feature a struggling family trying to make ends meet. Just make sure they are relevant and short.

Pay attention to your listeners. Don’t get so focused on getting out the content, or in looking at your own slides, that you don’t watch the audience carefully. Eye contact will enable you to monitor reactions and adjust as needed if you see people are losing the thread or being distracted.

Variety. For longer presentations, don’t get stuck into a predictable pattern. This applies to your voice, your slides (e.g. endless bullet lists), your evidence, etc. Move around once in a while.

Vivid imagery. Engage your listeners’ imagination with vivid imagery, whether it’s actual visuals on slides or verbal imagery.

Talk to them, not at them. It’s still a conversation. When people feel like they’re in an actual conversation with another person, it’s personal.

P.S. The picture above was not taken at one of my training sessions. (I think)

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Clear thinking

I’ll See It When I Believe It

I have a friend, who, as a feminist, is quick to criticize any comment or behavior that denigrates women. So, when Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was arrested for his seedy behavior with a coed in a Georgia bar, you would think she would have been all over it. But she’s also a lifelong Steelers fan, so she was actually one of his most ardent defenders. She just did not see enough evidence that he had actually meant to do anything wrong.

My friend exemplifies one of the most common shortcomings that we all have in our critical thinking skills, confirmation bias: the tendency to overlook or ignore any evidence that does not accord with the conclusions we have already reached. I’m not talking about people forming a conclusion and deliberately ignoring contradictory information; when you’re advocating a position that’s often exactly your job. What I am referring to is when you overlook information in spite of your best efforts or intentions. It may be harmless when it comes to judging a public figure, but it can have costly repercussions in more important areas.

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