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Practical Eloquence Blog

Success

Solutions, Not Resolutions

What problems will you solve this year?

What problems will you solve this year?

It’s January 2, so most of you have not yet broken your New Year’s resolutions, assuming you made any.

But you will.

There’s a reason we call them “re-solutions”: we keep making them over and over, and we keep solving the same old problems over and over.

Don’t misunderstand; I am in favor of starting off the new year with good intentions and improvement ideas, even if the likelihood of sticking to them is remote. It’s always a good thing to take time out to reflect on what needs to change or improve in your life and to at least make the occasional effort, because not trying either means you’re admitting defeat or you think you’re perfect.

But if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, why not begin again a little more intelligently? That’s why I’m suggesting solutions instead of resolutions. What’s the difference?

Resolutions are positive: I will lose weight, make more cold calls, take an on-line course. But loss aversion (moving away from pain rather than towards gain) makes us more likely to act. That’s why solutions, which focus first on the problem, (especially on its costs) can be much more motivating. A good friend of mine was once more than 100 pounds overweight, and the only thing that finally motivated him to successfully slim down was envisioning his own corpulent body lying in a coffin surrounded by crying family and friends. He used the negative to get him to act, and the positive to set the direction.

Resolutions are optimistic, which also might seem like a good thing, except when it leads you to ignore the inevitable issues and obstacles that will get in your way, and overestimate the willpower that your future self will have. Solutions anticipate the inevitable problems, so that you’re not surprised or discouraged when they occur and so you can figure out contingency plans in advance.

Resolutions are measurable, which you would think would be a good thing. But the problem is that they can take on the air of zero tolerance, so that missing your resolution on one single day means you “broke” it, and in our throw-away society, who fixes things anymore? Solutions, on the other hand, imply that you can make progress toward your goal, and that you can be flexible and ingenious in your strategies to get back on track when you miss. Solutions focus first on process and let the results follow.

Resolutions can be shallow. It’s easy to come up with a resolution: you see that some behavior is lacking or excessive so you resolve to do less or more of it in the coming year. Solutions are deep: you recognize a problem, and you think, and you analyze, and you diagnose, you figure out a realistic and sustainable solution, and—most importantly—you plan. Because you have thought more deeply about it, you have fully engaged your brain and your heart, so you will forge a much stronger commitment.

If you solve this year, you won’t need to re-solve next year!

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Uncategorized

My Three Words for 2014

I got this idea from reading Anthony Iannarino’s post today,  and he apparently got the idea originally from Chris Brogan. While I believe in the power of specific and measurable goals, the idea of choosing just three words to anchor your central focus during the year is very appealing, so here goes.

Here are my three words for 2014:

Focus: I have a restlessly curious mind, which is a nice way of saying I get distracted easily. I am going to focus more this year. I’ve been training myself to focus more deeply and for longer periods of time on a single task, and I am going to up that commitment by blocking out dedicated time slots for my key business and personal priorities. I will read fewer books but suck the marrow out of those I do.

Connect: I’m a natural introvert in a profession that rewards extraversion. I will communicate more often, make new friends, network more widely, and pick up the phone a lot more. I will go more than halfway in my relationships.

Give: This is partially to balance the first two words. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in your own goals and priorities and forget that others have goals too, that you might be able to help with. I am going to mentor more, volunteer my time, and share whatever expertise or other assets I have with those who ask for help. Please let me know if I can help.

What are your three words for 2014?

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Uncategorized

The Perfect Gift

Giving a giftHaving trouble thinking of that perfect gift for that special someone? I have an idea for you.

It’s the perfect gift, because:

  • It’s rare and precious.
  • It’s highly individual and personal.
  • If it’s truly the thought that counts, this one takes no thought—and yet a lot of thought.
  • It won’t break the bank, yet can be priceless.
  • It doesn’t wear out.
  • It’s portable and highly user friendly.
  • Everyone, regardless of their age, gender, or occupation, loves it.
  • It comes in all sizes, but bigger is better.
  • You will get as much out of the gift as they will.
  • You won’t mind if it’s regifted.
  • You don’t have to wait until Christmas morning to open this gift. In fact, your holidays will be better if you give it early and often.

Give someone the gift of your full attention. Be with them 100%, body, mind and soul. Put down the device, set aside your other concerns, still your tongue, and focus entirely on the other person. Talk, listen deeply, and enjoy their company. Don’t be stingy, give them the biggest chunk(s) of time you can afford.

I would like to thank you for the gift of your attention in reading these thoughts. This is my last blog post of 2013. My kids arrive on Saturday, so during the rest of this year, I plan to devote my normal writing time to giving them, and my wife and my friends the gift of attention. And, since you won’t be spending time reading this, you may want to do the same. Regardless of how you celebrate this season, it is a time of gifts.

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Clear thinking

When Should You Be Most Skeptical?

A very useful ingredient when being sold

A very useful ingredient when being sold

We all know how important it is to be a critical thinker, especially so today, when we are deluged with so much misinformation and it seems like we are being sold almost every single minute. That’s why most of us find it easy to turn on our skeptical radar whenever someone we don’t know pitches us with an idea that’s a little different or seems too good to be true.

But, in terms of cognitive resources, skepticism and critical thinking are expensive. It’s mentally exhausting to be on your guard at all times. According to what Daniel Kahneman calls the law of least effort, we gravitate to the easiest thinking path when we can. So, it’s tempting to simply trust and accept what the other person is saying.

Trust is comfortable. Trust is a shortcut. And trust that is built up through long years of familiarity and experience with someone is can be an extremely reliable and useful shortcut. In fact, unless you’re on a desert island somewhere, it’s impossible to live without it.

The problem is that we generally overestimate our ability to accurately size people up and determine their trustworthiness. Regardless of how smart we think we are, we use shortcuts to form our judgments of trust.

We’ve heard the phrase that Reagan made famous: “trust but verify”. But while trust is comfortable, verifying is hard. And sometimes, that comfort gets us into trouble.

Crafty persuaders know this, and they work hard to establish the conditions to relax our skepticism. Bernie Madoff belonged to the right organizations, he gained trust vicariously through word of mouth, and he worked hard to produce the bogus results for so long.

But the crafty persuaders may be the least of our worries. It’s the sincere persuaders, who truly believe in what they’re selling, that can get us into the most trouble. We may need our skepticism more than ever, not only to keep from going down the wrong path but to save others from themselves.

Here’s where I’m conflicted. I strongly promote all the things that make for successful persuasion: passion, stories, credentials, etc. But none of those factors, or even all of those factors combined in one package, guarantee that it’s a good idea. Whenever the following ingredients are present, remind yourself to dial up the skepticism:

Passion. I put this number one, because when someone is passionate about what they do, they almost always ignore any contradictory evidence or differing interpretations.

Stories. I love stories just as much as anyone else. Stories suck you in, and get you to suspend your disbelief. Of course, good stories don’t mean the person isn’t telling the truth, but remember that the plural of anecdote is not data.

Credentials. They are generally a reliable guide to credibility, but watch the limitations. Peyton Manning is a great quarterback, but that doesn’t mean I trust his taste in pizzas. Besides, if the person speaking is highly important, they may have cut corners themselves, because they have grown too accustomed to being believed because of who they are.

Confidence. As pack animals, we respond to outward shows of strength, and when we reflect that confidence back to the speaker, it just reinforces it. It never hurts to scratch beneath the surface by asking a tough question.

Evidence. Pay attention to the diagonals. When someone says that successful companies did these three things, have they said anything about the companies that did those three things and failed, or the companies that did not do those three things and did succeed?

Optimism. I learned early in my banking days to use the borrower’s worst-case projections as my best case. An engineer in my Precision Questioning class once taught me that any projection that looks like a hockey stick on a graph is wrong.

When you’re selling your ideas, every one of those ingredients can help. When you’re being sold, every one of those ingredients should be taken with a pinch of salt.

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