Max Cred Factor #3: Confidence

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

In a completely rational world, facts and logic would always win. Your credibility would rest on the content of your argument. But the fact is that:

People don’t make decisions on logic and fact alone. That means that they have to take shortcuts and rely on your judgment. Their confidence in your judgment depends heavily on whether they perceive that you have confidence in your own judgment and competence. Since they can’t read your mind, the only way they have of perceiving your confidence is through the behaviors you exhibit.

Confidence is perceived as competence. Being social animals, humans are exquisitely sensitive to verbal and nonverbal cues that indicate relative levels of status within groups. Those who act more assertively and confidently tend to be accorded higher status, and in general are perceived to be more competent than they actually are.[1]

Others won’t believe if they don’t think you believe. Like it or not, a lack of confidence sends a message that you’re not even credible to yourself.

Where does confidence come from?

The confidence you display to others is like the tip of an iceberg. While others only see what’s above the surface, that visible portion is hugely influenced by three layers beneath: natural confidence, earned confidence and primed confidence.

Natural Confidence

Some people are simply born with more confidence than others, a fact which is obvious when you compare your friends and acquaintances. They blithely charge ahead in situations where others may hang back, seemingly sure that they will get what they want regardless of the situation.

It may seem unfair, but often that confidence becomes self-fulfilling and self-reinforcing, for two reasons. First, by daring more, naturally confident people tend to win more (as long as they avoid catastrophic misjudgments), which of course confirms and reinforces their confidence. Second, the positive feedback loop is also fueled by the increased confidence of those who surround them.

It’s also backed by science; a recent study involving twins determined that self-confidence is at least as heritable as IQ, so there is clearly a “nature” component to confidence.

But we’re not going to spend any more time on the natural sources of confidence here, because you don’t get a Mulligan on choosing your parents. We’ll focus instead on what you can do to create and build on whatever you have naturally.

Earned confidence

Earned confidence is absolutely the most important layer of all, because it is completely in your control and it is the hardest to shake, even in the most stress-filled or intimidating situation.

Earned confidence comprises two parts, general and specific. General confidence is that which you develop through your life experience and achievements, your status, and your learning. You can increase (or decrease) your general confidence by continuously learning, building up your general competence, and successfully facing your fears by exposing yourself to stressful situations.

Specific confidence is what you have in a given situation, earned by ensuring that you have sound content and competence for that topic, that audience, and that time. When you thoroughly know your topic and you’re pretty sure you can get the other person to agree with your point of view, how can you help but feel confident? Preparation can’t help but make you more confident.

Primed confidence

Even with a clearly-earned right to complete confidence, it’s still possible to be nervous despite yourself. Your conscious mind may know there’s nothing to fear, but your unconscious mind may not have gotten the memo. Besides, it’s completely natural to feel anxiety before a high-stakes meeting or big speech, and it’s just as natural to misinterpret that stress as a bad thing.

So, you may also need to get your head straight by priming your confidence level.

This is where the psychology gets interesting. Your state of mind can influence your bodily behaviors, including posture, movement, gestures and facial expressions. But it also works in the other direction: your bodily behaviors can also influence your state of mind. Your feelings affect your actions, but your actions also affect your feelings. In fact, at any given moment, you are subconsciously reading your own body language to infer how you feel! It’s called embodied cognition: your mind takes cues from your body to help it decide how you are feeling.

Acting confidently, such as taking up space and adopting “power poses”, can make you feel more confident. Doing this before your important talk boosts your confidence and actually carries over into the actual situation. Amy Cuddy and her colleagues found that the mere act of adopting a power pose for just two minutes raised testosterone levels and depressed cortisol in their test subjects.

A power pose is one in which you open up and take up space. Stand with feet spread and place your hands on your hips with elbows out, or place both hands on a desk, more than shoulder-width apart. You can even do it sitting down; if you can get away with it, place your feet on a desk and lean back with your arms behind your head.

Should you ever fake it? It may sound funny to use the term “fake it til you make it” in a podcast on credibility, but there are often times that faking confidence is not only acceptable, it’s the only right thing to do.

Does a coach tell his team during a halftime speech that he doesn’t think they can come from behind, because the other team is too good? Does a doctor tell a patient that she doesn’t have confidence that the procedure will work? In situations like this, faking confidence is not only acceptable, it’s the right thing to do for the other party. .

Displayed Confidence

Eliminate Powerless Speech Patterns

Hedges:  “I think that…” It seems to me…”

Hesitations: otherwise known as filler words—“um, er, well”

Uptalk: where your sentences end in rising intonation so that a declaration sounds like a question

Nonverbal confidence: Act confident

Your body language is usually automatic, but it can be controlled if you pay attention to it. You can affect your perceived confidence by focusing on eye contact, posture, and gestures.

Eye contact

Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Eye contact is probably the most important signal that others pay attention to when assessing your trustworthiness and confidence; on average, a listener’s attention is focused on the speaker’s eyes 43% of the time during a conversation.[i]

A direct—but non-threatening—gaze is perceived as more credible. The common wisdom that people don’t look you directly in the eyes when lying has been disproven by science, but it’s still common wisdom, so you violate it at your peril.

Posture

• Defy gravity: Stand tall. Gestures and posture that “defy gravity” exhibit confidence. This includes your face, (eyes, smile, chin), shoulders back, and raised gestures.
• Face the other person squarely: A frontal orientation to the other person conveys interest in them and comfort in the interaction. When we are uncomfortable, we tend to turn away (give the cold shoulder) to others.

Gestures

Free your hands: You don’t have to try to incorporate forceful gestures, and trying to do so will probably backfire anyway. Just let your hands find their natural level. To do this, you need to keep your hands out of your pockets and stop clasping them together, especially with fingers intertwined.

[1] Cameron Anderson, Sebastien Brion, Don A. Moore, and Jessica A. Kennedy, A Status-Enhancement Account of Overconfidence, 2012.

[i] Janik, Wellens, Goldberg, DeLosse (1978), cited in Successful Nonverbal Communication, by Dale Leathers and Michael H. Eaves, p. 57.