It Takes Confidence to Be Humble

There’s a paradox of humility: you have to be truly confident to show it. The weak and insecure will always bluff and bluster, while the strong and confident will expose themselves.

Lieutenant Colonel Chris Hughes was leading a unit of the 101^st Airborne on a mission in Najaf, Iraq in 2003, to establish contact with local leaders. Somehow, a rumor spread among the population that they were there to enter the mosque and arrest the cleric, and suddenly hundreds of angry Iraqis surrounded the Americans and pressed closer. The air was tense and the smallest provocation could have set off a massacre. Col. Hughes ordered his troops to take a breath, smile, and kneel down. Within seconds the anger subsided and the troops withdrew without incident. Humility saved the day, but it took incredible strength to show it.[1]

Most of us don’t find ourselves in situations like that, but we have multiple opportunities every day to  improve situations by exercising our humility. For example, have you ever been in a meeting where someone said something you didn’t understand, but you were afraid to ask them because you didn’t want to seem ignorant?

I was in a meeting of citizens concerned about airport noise recently, and I saw both sides of the humility equation in one exchange. One chap was deeply involved with the issue and extremely well informed. When the moderator asked him to give us a bit of background, he shot him down, claiming he had worked a lot on the problem so he just needed to share his recommendations. He began by telling us what to do about the “Part 150” project. A woman interjected and said, “Wait a minute, can you tell me what Part 150 is?” I had been thinking the same thing but didn’t want to look stupid. She had the humility to admit her ignorance, and when the guy answered her question it was obvious that the majority of people in the meeting learned something new.

What struck me about that exchange was that by displaying humility she actually projected strength.

What lessons can we draw from both those stories?

It takes a confident person to ask “stupid questions”. In fact, not wanting to appear stupid is one of the stupidest things you can do.

Harry Truman said it’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit, but it takes confidence in your own contribution to live by that dictum.

It takes a confident person to just listen when you know they don’t have something valuable to add to the conversation, instead of trying to show how much you know.

It takes a confident person to find the good in another’s idea instead of immediately trying to show how smart you are by pointing out flaws.

It takes a confident person to seek out honest criticism, and to be humble enough to say, “You’re right. Thanks for correcting me.”

It takes a confident person to have a growth mindset. Carol Dweck’s research has shown that kids who are praised for their intelligence become very protective of their image as “smart” and don’t want to take on difficult challenges that might chip away at it. Kids who know they’re capable of growth have the confidence to be humble and don’t mind making mistakes or failing or looking foolish.

The right balance between confidence and humility may be even more important as a person rises to leadership positions. It took a confident leader like Abraham Lincoln to surround himself with a team of rivals, people who were more experienced and not afraid to disagree. It takes a confident leader to have the humility to let subordinates make mistakes for themselves so they can learn and grow.

So, next time you see someone acting the opposite of humble, hogging the spotlight, claiming infallibility, and domineering others, ask yourself what insecurity they must be hiding.

[1] You can see photos here.